SPAM

I love SPAM. How about that for an opening statement? If I had stopped after that first sentence, there probably would have been like a hundred comments...or maybe like 8, since that's basically my total readership. But honestly, what other topic ignites statements of sworn hatred in the way that SPAM does? And no, I don't mean the spam that forced you to close your old Hotmail account, although it kind of goes to show just how unpopular the name is when it's used for the greatest annoyance of the modern age. Maybe some of you don't even know what real SPAM is. Brief history lesson. The Hormel company introduced a canned meat called "Spiced Ham" in 1937, and held a naming contest, resulting in the creative and exciting title of "SPAM." People still recovering from the Depression recognized SPAM as an inexpensive and versatile, not to mention slightly tasty, meat. Of course then came World War II, and SPAM became THE staple meat of the Army, thus causing a vast overexposure to it amongst soldiers. From there, the rest is history. The entire baby boomer generation was born with a deep hatred for SPAM already encoded into their (newly discovered) DNA. So you see, people have no choice. Their nature tells them they hate SPAM, and they believe it. But at the naive age of 7 I was exposed to it, and have been eating it ever since. To me, SPAM is a delicate treat (not TREET, mind you, which is the imitation SPAM...you probably just shuddered at the phrase "imitation SPAM," didn't you?). SPAM is good for sandwiches, sliced on crackers, fried at breakfast...it just goes on and on. And it recently became less stomach turning than ever before, now that Hormel found a way to get rid of the notorious coating of SPAM gel! So anyway, next time someone offers you some SPAM, ignore that pre-programmed warning in your brain and discover the finest processed, canned, ready-to-eat pork and ham meat product the world has ever known!

(Oh, and yes, this is my official return to blogging after a summer long hiatus. I just decided to get on with the actual entries instead of first publishing an entire "welcome back" post. I know, champion of the oppressed, defender of the common man, and all that stuff. Just leave your thanks on the comment page.)